haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
