This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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