nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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