We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
