hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
