I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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