So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
