Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
