I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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