she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
