We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
