He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
