dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
