I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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