My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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