she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
