You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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