yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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