i already hear my dad disowning me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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