Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
