I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
