meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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