I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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