drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
