Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
