If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize