I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
