When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blow job season was short but glorious.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He shit in the fireplace
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
