Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
