Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bring me that man meat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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