Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
