So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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