You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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