my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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