Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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