I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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