i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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