I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
