i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize