Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
