3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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