We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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