Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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