You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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