I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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