I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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