you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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