"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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