apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
