So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
