my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
