Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
