The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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