First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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