I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
