remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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