oh god the rape fog is back!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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