I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize