I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
