My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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