didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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