Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
