FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she peed on how many people?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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