can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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