i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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