This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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