Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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